jinx

argh!!!!! y..? y am i like this? i'm like jinxed! cursed! whenever i'm with techy stuff.... good thing i didnt choose computer science as a major. i'm like sooooo malang when it comes to computers, digicams, mp3s n even handphones! i got my new laptop-- yay! but its giving me problems--boo... i got tonnes of songs in my old desktop--yay! but i cant turn it on--boo... i would not wanna carry on the list, for i mite break down n cry... y is it like this? is there a cure for it? can i fix it? can i un-jinx myself? haih... i'm now trying to get online, n its not working. the built-in webcam is not working. i cant sign into msn. okok, here i go again....
*deep breath* calm down.... i'm trying not to blame myself for all but but i cant! it's all so obvious! its me! it must b. don't b surprised if u read the headlines one day : girl exploded infront of her own laptop due to over heat of her own veins.
i hope all these mishaps wont occur in aus. cuz my laptop's service centre is only in mainland m'sia. i think it must b something wrong with my protons, or electrons from my atoms or watever sort. everytime i come out from a car, i'll get electricuted by any metal i touch. n when i walk in a shopping mall, i'll 'sot' the person beside me if i ever touch him/her. this is bad, very bad. i even sot myself when i open my front gate (every single time) do i hv to live with this my whole life? i think i'm gonna spoil all my electrical appliances in the future. the company will rugi if the warranty is for 3 years.
well, i prayed over my laptop once i bought it back. guess the Lord wants me to appreciate it more when its here to serve me. i shall demand ntg more from it, n continue to love n care for my techy blessings that i hv. *peace out*

Happy birthday Jesus!!!

Christmas day: the day a very special person came all the way from heaven to earth as a gift from the most awesome God of all. till now, earthlings celebrate the birth of that special person, some bearing the spirit of joy n tidings, some bearing the spirit of economic prosperity. i wonder who came up with the idea of annual celebration n remembrance... who suggested the practice of reminiscing the day of something special... well, who ever that is, he/she did not make it clear that u gotta believe in wat u're celebrating for n make evrerytime count.
this year's christmas, was pretty calm... to me. ntg big, ntg mega. maybe its cuz i'm tied down on things that i'm not certain in. for the 1st time, i wasnt involved in any performances, any organising-of-parties, any crew of any event. jz a normal dude, in an exotic city with the usual christmas celebration. feels different. feels a little awkward. i'm no longer as excited about it as i used to. i'm not saying that i'm expecting Jesus to appear rite in front of me n show me his baby pix n stuff... i jz want the feeling of yuletide, as a family, a church. i began to c things that hv complicated my thoughts n made things not simple any more.
i jz wish i cud b merry n gay, like little children who can so easily enter the kingdom of God. but nope. time wont turn back. n so must'nt i. gotta look forward at the complicated future, yet still remain as innocent as little kids. not easy.
well, i jz came back from a family gathering, where we all come together to open up presents that we give each other. we do this everyyear in mama's hse, in front of the christmas tree, mostly with dai bak who flew all the way back from perth to b santa claus. this year, sei suk was santa (the one with the least hair, as dai bak needed a break). as usual, the santa will b super blur, n we'll rip off present wrappers (mostly makro magazines) together n keep smilling though we might not like the gifts. after that we'd sit around n talk about stuff. mostly funny stuff cuz by then, the adults would b half drunk. this time, i felt a little insulted. my uncle who was not a christian was sharing a joke which was pretty unrespectful of Christ. everyone laughed, n i was there so uselessly deep in thought, sitting there without a word in my head. i did not defend my faith. n i can consider that as loosing a battle. all can do is to blog about it n sleep over it tonite. am i still qulified to celebrate the coming of my King, n my Saviour?
i hope next year, the meaning of christmas would fill me up again. i'm looking 4ward to a brand new year with a brand new start. hoping for growth in boldness n spiritual strength. tirsting for enthusiasm in life.

take me home~ country road~

i'm now on a bus, heading home to kl. it feels weird typing on a moving vehicle, but i know i wont get to do this often, so wat the heck. i'm on this express bus that is the 3-seater type which is very spacious compared to the one i went up camerons with. it has a good extention thingy from the seat for ur legs, n seat-belts! for crying out loud... like the bus may take off anytime on the way. but i cant complain... we pay more, we get more. plus, the ticket was paid by my aunt, so, it's it a double-blessing.
it takes 1hr n a half to get down from the hill, n 4 hrs to get to town. wat a waste of time if i keep doing this often. i could watch 2 movies in 4 hours... or watch 10 pisodes of friends... or finish a book (that was wat i jz did)... i cud paint my nail, take a bath, go shopping in 5 hours...speaking of which, i missed out so many things after deciding to go camerons... missed king kong with shua n horny, missed lepaking with 5sc2 gang, missed getting my results from nilai n taking it to idp, missed 'guo dong' dinner in mama's hse (i was the only one absent last nite), etc. but i thank God for sending me up there for a while, i got to know more about myself, n help out in the bz kitchen. i also got to spend time with my cousins who i've not been hanging out with for 7 years ever since they went up there. i better count my blessings b4 i start to feel depressed.
i'm really excited about the party tonite. i thought i shud b the one organizing something like that since i'm the one who's leaving next year. but no. God sent angels to bless me with it. so i'm taking this opportunity to meet up with all 5sc1 ppl as a reunion-cum-christmas gathering-cum-farewell for jez. haha. i hope all of them get to go. ah gurl (wuei yunn) has so graciously offered out her hse for this party, n ck, as nice as always, offered to gau dim everything. so all i hv to do is to get myself there! n how am i gonna get there? i hvn't hv the slightest clue about it. but by hook or by crook, i'll get there.
well, the ride is starting to get bumpy now, n someone's 'fung yau' smell is making me drowsy... i shall end here,, saying 'bon voyage' to myself

once upon a time in camerons

situation: blur look, uncombed hair, tucked nicely under the thick covers, sniffing, glasses, dry throat, enthusiastic about wats gonna happen today. i'm now in my cousins' place up in the highlands of camerons. i left everything back in kl n came to jz hv a get-away. i love this life. all u do is sit around n c wat u can help out in the hse. once in a while my aunt will take us out for a treat in secret resipe. jz ydy alone, i woke up to the sound of my hp msg by angela who told me results r out, watched four shows, walked out to the market with grandparents, walked all the way to strawberry park n back with amanda, cut veges with kak afiyah, n cleaned chicken meat with popo (*ulk). well, ,it'll b boring to write about the whole day cuz there's so much more instored for me today. my cousin audrey complained that its boring living up here in camerons, but i think its a pretty healthy place to grow up. take diana(not sure if its spelt this way or not) for instants. she's the pastor's kid. comes to chefoo(the place where my aunt stays) to hang around. she's 2 n half yrs old n is able to grasp a whole lot of vocabs. she runs about in the field, falls down and laughs at herself. she pulled me to the playground n waits for me to carry her up to the swing. for a 2 yr old kid, she's mighty brave. i think if she grew up in kl, playing with the other kids, they'd hv a maid there to make sure they dun scratch their fingers or get a sun burn... 'tau fu's. most of them. almost all. n i grew up like that. crying for attention when i accidentally got a slight cut with my toy. hiah,.... sad...
situation now(that up there was this moning...): i'm sitting next to the indon maid who's watching korean soap dramas, n all 3 of my cousins plus their dad r on their own laptops, minding their own techy business.i had great day today. went for charoling practice with them though i wont b here for charoling, had lunch at secret recipe, helped out in the huge kitchen (my aunt manages chefoo for campers n there's this groups of korean ppl up here), watched a show, went cycling with joshua n mandy, then out to tanah rata for banana pancake (too bad i wasnt feeling too good then....must b the wheather), back for another show, then had 'tong yuin' cuz today is traditional chinese 'goh dung' day. oh ya, n we had mishballs!!! it's fish ball with meat inside...chun leh? dinner was jz those n some extremely spicy korean cup noodles (ah yee got it from the group). next, i dunno wat i'm gonna do... maybe post my blog, maybe they'd go out for supper as planned.
i'm having a super lot of fun, jz that i'm a little worried that i'm not gonna survive in adelaide during winter. i'm already shaking like some osim chair vibrator after baths, n sniffing all over.... how la how? everyday, the most important thing i'mm looking 4ward to is the hot cup of drink i drink b4 bed. well, my results r being faxed to uniSA n i'd get to know what course exactly i'm taking n when i'm leaving msia. at least in msia, u get to choose ur wheather.... winter in camerons, summer in pd, n spring at home... autumn...ermm, in ur computer screens...hehe
well, gotta go now. till next time. stay cool, not cold...

it was His voice all along...

when God calls.. he really calls. i had a bad time finding myself. trying to think of wats my calling n wat my future wud b. n i was so blind to b ignorant of the fact starring straight at me. it stared so hard, that it was so close to slapping me right on the cheek to get my attention. i was using the binoculus, but all i needed was my specs...
for the 4rth time, i signed myself up for HUGE camp. n i must say, this last one was different. n so was the other 3 times. without asking other questions (like he alwas does) dad jz said 'sure, u can go'. then in the process of signing up, i din't know i was joining the Oikos church. i thought it was under TMLC Youth all along...but TMLC Youth telah dibatalkan starting 1st nov, n i was still about it.... anyways, i jz went, surrendering EVERYTHING to God, thinking that my best friend would b packing his bag, leaving for China on the same day; n jz going with my other best friend who knows as much as i did that time.
when i arrived at the hotel, i saw packs of unfamilliar faces, n then sank with relief when i saw joshua with his usual grin n yih hon, introducing himself as his substitute, daniel. pei wern, pei yi, jess n her bro was there. other than mike, david, n jessy, the others were pure strangers. i was whisked off to the room, then roamed around the place. though i felt cheated, i was jz so glad horny made it. n though the place was flooded with uncountable flies, i knew i'd hv great memories there.
the days went off so fast. we visited jonker street in broad daylight, ate cendol n ice kacang, joked around in the fortress of A' famosa, gazed at some tunku's pix, n had a blast during the nite concert on the 1st night. horny did something to my finger that i think he's never gonna forget, n the girls (py, pw, jess, jessy, n i) chatted till our eyelids were heavier than our thighs(about 3 am).
i got to know the rest of the oikos gang soon, when shua started to play his 'who burnt the house down, n how many horses?' games. then we ventured on as a group to other planned games: the leap of faith, the other sloppy walk, n the blow-dart thingy. was fun. then we took a family pic near the pool, when karl suddenly came n carried me off the place where i was sitting. i thought he was going to throw me into the pool, so i was ready to jump off his huge n strong arms (so no one gets hurt) but mana tau... he jumped down with me still in his arms. for a moment, i was flyingin mid air with a giant. we joked so hard in the pool when shua came down as well, that i do not doubt someone actually ter-pee in their floating pants. the pool was full of saliva, hair gel, n wat not deodarants from underarms...
n here comes the serious part. though the others mite not b, n my outer body wasnt... but my soul, spirit n mind was. God was speaking to me, so loud! as though i jz cleaned my ears after it was jammed up for twenty years... when the speaker, ps chad jacobson encouraged all the young ppl to grow as a youth group, my mind kept yelling back 'i dont hv a youth group!' then when he said to honour ur youth leaders, n i wud fight back 'i dont hv no leader!' n i got frustrated... then when he almoost ended, he said 'if u do not hv a youth group... start one. no leader? be one...' n i was "whapak!!!" being slapped my my own consciesness. b4 the camp, my mom had wanted me to re-live the youth in TMLC, even aunty siew lay said she'd help. but all i did was reject n gave excuses. i didnt trust my own ability.
n so i cried. cried my heart out. like a hungry baby in a body on an 18-year-old. i was hungry for a confirmation. scared of the struggle. lost for excuses. fear of failure. crying out for the will to answer my call. that nite, i was very uncertain. i was doubting myself n everything else. but then i kept thinking about the other young ppl in taman midah who r still lost. who still doesnt know that they have a saviour but hv not recieved him yet. to tell the truth, i was jz scared. thats all.
the final day came, n i was expecting something. something impactful. i was blessed during the 1st huge camp went i walked pass that prayer tunnel. so i told my self, i must get that too this year. the feeling is undiscribable. its personal, n subjective. the queue was long. imagine, 900 young ppl walking through 2 tunnels of blessing. one by one, being touched by the hands of God. but i already felt it b4 entering th tunnel. at 1st i felt unworthy of his touch. but soon, it all came to place. he made me, thus, he knows me more than i know myself. n i surrendered.
then when it was time, we left the place. i dunno bout the others but i left the hotel with more expectations than ever. i wanted to see wat is going to b ahead of me. though the camp ended, but my calling jz begun. now, i'm going to SNATCH. thats the theme of the camp. snatch. i'll make my way thru, n get things done b4 i dont hv time. i'm going to do something for the remaining youth in TMLC b4 i set off to aus. i know i'm going to make it, because He is with me. for i can do all things through Christ who strentghens me. Philipians 4:13

i love my life

U jz wont believe what happened to me today. A lot of unexpected things jz kept occurring one after another.
I got a call last nite from a long lost friend. N I suggested we meet up, then she said “how bout tmr?” n I had to echo an “OK!” without thinking… well, I basically dun mind meeting up with jen (my form one class mate), jz that I’ve been out for almost everyday n I’ve no more cash to spend out there…
Anywayz, I went out with her today n ….I dunno y…I dragged Terrence along. I’ve not personally hung out with this guy b4. was in the same tuition class with him, then got his online contact. He said he wanted to get out from his home so I asked him to join also la… long story… so when I introduced jen to Terrence, turned out that they took the same course in college, jz from different intakes. N there I was worrying that they wont get along.
So we had lunch at mcDs (starting to get sick of the food there). After chatting for some time, I noticed that I’m a totally different person compared to the both of them. They claim that it’s the kampong life in nilai that turned me into some weird alien like me. I doubt it… I think its more of who I mix with, the people around me that shapes who I really am. We chatted for a while more n they decided to go for a round of pool. I must say that that’s the 2nd last place I’d be in when I’m in mid valley. (the 1st wud b the medical centre) so blindly I said ‘alright’ n went along with them to the smoky place above the line of people in queue for movie tix.
I confessed that pool is not my type of game, so I’ll watch. Terrence insisted that I played… n turned out that I wasn’t lying. Soon, jen had to leave so I thought “wat the heck… since I’m here, I’ll give it more shots” n challenge Terrence. After all the bye byes, I played with lady luck on my side. I managed to beat him, n we left the smoky, n by that time, freezing place.
Met up with shua after leaving the freezer, n introduced terrence to shua. Turned out that both of them had a thing for guitars n started talking about it with me oh-so-cluelessly standing beside them. But I was cool bout it, at least they had something in common. Made me realize that if u had something in common, it’d b so easy to strike a conversation , n not as hard as wat I faced earlier on (jen does not watch tv, does not play sports, does not remember who was who in class back then, n lives a totally different life as I’m in now)
Well, I am who I am, n I love it. I love my life rite now, jz staying at home, helping mom out in her so called ‘spring cleaning’, calling up old friends jz to meet up n survive on a deficit basis, going out with my aunt n listening to her babble about health n Korean soap dramas, planning with dad regarding my visas n air tix to aus…. It’s not bad. I love it.

it was were it all began...

I’ve so many things in my mind rite now, n dunno where to start. I guess this is a pretty clichéd way to start blogs these days eh? But no choice, that really wat I’m facing rite now.
Ok, to start with, I wanna share about something very special to me—the birth of my new companion—my brand new laptop! A.k.a my husband (technically I’m married to a new born machine, haha)
The plan was this: persuade my dad that having a laptop is really essential for uni life (which wasn’t hard cuz I think he knows it from the start), get my but to pc fair on the 1st day, get infos about good laptops (went with shua who was of very very good help that day- thx shua!) come back with a few options, then buy it on the last day of fair.
The plan worked, n I’m now happily caressing my husband until my fingers n eyes go soar! I think he likes it, haha… ok, I’m getting overboard now.
i'm jz happy that this new toy i have now temporarily saved my life from my old com which btw, omits weird sounds when i turn it on n never can work anymore... so, i'm jz plainly happy.
I’ll blog about the experience there another time, feel like giving my hubby some rest.