Happy birthday Jesus!!!

Christmas day: the day a very special person came all the way from heaven to earth as a gift from the most awesome God of all. till now, earthlings celebrate the birth of that special person, some bearing the spirit of joy n tidings, some bearing the spirit of economic prosperity. i wonder who came up with the idea of annual celebration n remembrance... who suggested the practice of reminiscing the day of something special... well, who ever that is, he/she did not make it clear that u gotta believe in wat u're celebrating for n make evrerytime count.
this year's christmas, was pretty calm... to me. ntg big, ntg mega. maybe its cuz i'm tied down on things that i'm not certain in. for the 1st time, i wasnt involved in any performances, any organising-of-parties, any crew of any event. jz a normal dude, in an exotic city with the usual christmas celebration. feels different. feels a little awkward. i'm no longer as excited about it as i used to. i'm not saying that i'm expecting Jesus to appear rite in front of me n show me his baby pix n stuff... i jz want the feeling of yuletide, as a family, a church. i began to c things that hv complicated my thoughts n made things not simple any more.
i jz wish i cud b merry n gay, like little children who can so easily enter the kingdom of God. but nope. time wont turn back. n so must'nt i. gotta look forward at the complicated future, yet still remain as innocent as little kids. not easy.
well, i jz came back from a family gathering, where we all come together to open up presents that we give each other. we do this everyyear in mama's hse, in front of the christmas tree, mostly with dai bak who flew all the way back from perth to b santa claus. this year, sei suk was santa (the one with the least hair, as dai bak needed a break). as usual, the santa will b super blur, n we'll rip off present wrappers (mostly makro magazines) together n keep smilling though we might not like the gifts. after that we'd sit around n talk about stuff. mostly funny stuff cuz by then, the adults would b half drunk. this time, i felt a little insulted. my uncle who was not a christian was sharing a joke which was pretty unrespectful of Christ. everyone laughed, n i was there so uselessly deep in thought, sitting there without a word in my head. i did not defend my faith. n i can consider that as loosing a battle. all can do is to blog about it n sleep over it tonite. am i still qulified to celebrate the coming of my King, n my Saviour?
i hope next year, the meaning of christmas would fill me up again. i'm looking 4ward to a brand new year with a brand new start. hoping for growth in boldness n spiritual strength. tirsting for enthusiasm in life.