it was His voice all along...

when God calls.. he really calls. i had a bad time finding myself. trying to think of wats my calling n wat my future wud b. n i was so blind to b ignorant of the fact starring straight at me. it stared so hard, that it was so close to slapping me right on the cheek to get my attention. i was using the binoculus, but all i needed was my specs...
for the 4rth time, i signed myself up for HUGE camp. n i must say, this last one was different. n so was the other 3 times. without asking other questions (like he alwas does) dad jz said 'sure, u can go'. then in the process of signing up, i din't know i was joining the Oikos church. i thought it was under TMLC Youth all along...but TMLC Youth telah dibatalkan starting 1st nov, n i was still about it.... anyways, i jz went, surrendering EVERYTHING to God, thinking that my best friend would b packing his bag, leaving for China on the same day; n jz going with my other best friend who knows as much as i did that time.
when i arrived at the hotel, i saw packs of unfamilliar faces, n then sank with relief when i saw joshua with his usual grin n yih hon, introducing himself as his substitute, daniel. pei wern, pei yi, jess n her bro was there. other than mike, david, n jessy, the others were pure strangers. i was whisked off to the room, then roamed around the place. though i felt cheated, i was jz so glad horny made it. n though the place was flooded with uncountable flies, i knew i'd hv great memories there.
the days went off so fast. we visited jonker street in broad daylight, ate cendol n ice kacang, joked around in the fortress of A' famosa, gazed at some tunku's pix, n had a blast during the nite concert on the 1st night. horny did something to my finger that i think he's never gonna forget, n the girls (py, pw, jess, jessy, n i) chatted till our eyelids were heavier than our thighs(about 3 am).
i got to know the rest of the oikos gang soon, when shua started to play his 'who burnt the house down, n how many horses?' games. then we ventured on as a group to other planned games: the leap of faith, the other sloppy walk, n the blow-dart thingy. was fun. then we took a family pic near the pool, when karl suddenly came n carried me off the place where i was sitting. i thought he was going to throw me into the pool, so i was ready to jump off his huge n strong arms (so no one gets hurt) but mana tau... he jumped down with me still in his arms. for a moment, i was flyingin mid air with a giant. we joked so hard in the pool when shua came down as well, that i do not doubt someone actually ter-pee in their floating pants. the pool was full of saliva, hair gel, n wat not deodarants from underarms...
n here comes the serious part. though the others mite not b, n my outer body wasnt... but my soul, spirit n mind was. God was speaking to me, so loud! as though i jz cleaned my ears after it was jammed up for twenty years... when the speaker, ps chad jacobson encouraged all the young ppl to grow as a youth group, my mind kept yelling back 'i dont hv a youth group!' then when he said to honour ur youth leaders, n i wud fight back 'i dont hv no leader!' n i got frustrated... then when he almoost ended, he said 'if u do not hv a youth group... start one. no leader? be one...' n i was "whapak!!!" being slapped my my own consciesness. b4 the camp, my mom had wanted me to re-live the youth in TMLC, even aunty siew lay said she'd help. but all i did was reject n gave excuses. i didnt trust my own ability.
n so i cried. cried my heart out. like a hungry baby in a body on an 18-year-old. i was hungry for a confirmation. scared of the struggle. lost for excuses. fear of failure. crying out for the will to answer my call. that nite, i was very uncertain. i was doubting myself n everything else. but then i kept thinking about the other young ppl in taman midah who r still lost. who still doesnt know that they have a saviour but hv not recieved him yet. to tell the truth, i was jz scared. thats all.
the final day came, n i was expecting something. something impactful. i was blessed during the 1st huge camp went i walked pass that prayer tunnel. so i told my self, i must get that too this year. the feeling is undiscribable. its personal, n subjective. the queue was long. imagine, 900 young ppl walking through 2 tunnels of blessing. one by one, being touched by the hands of God. but i already felt it b4 entering th tunnel. at 1st i felt unworthy of his touch. but soon, it all came to place. he made me, thus, he knows me more than i know myself. n i surrendered.
then when it was time, we left the place. i dunno bout the others but i left the hotel with more expectations than ever. i wanted to see wat is going to b ahead of me. though the camp ended, but my calling jz begun. now, i'm going to SNATCH. thats the theme of the camp. snatch. i'll make my way thru, n get things done b4 i dont hv time. i'm going to do something for the remaining youth in TMLC b4 i set off to aus. i know i'm going to make it, because He is with me. for i can do all things through Christ who strentghens me. Philipians 4:13